Did you ever wonder why statistical analyses and concepts often have such weird, cryptic names? One conspiracy theory points to the workings of a secret committee called the International Committee for Sadistic Statistical Nomenclature and Numerophobia (ICSSNN), which was formed solely to befuddle and subjugate the masses. Its mission: To select the most awkward, obscure, and confusing name possible for each statistical concept.

A whistle-blower recently released the following transcript of a secretly recorded ICSSNN meeting:

“This statistical analysis seems pretty straightforward.”

“What does it do?”

“It describes the relationship between one or more ‘input’ variables and an ‘output’ variable. It gives you an equation to predict values for the output variable by plugging in values for the input variables.”

“Oh dear. That sounds disturbingly transparent.”

“Yes. We need to fix that—call it something grey and nebulous. What do you think of ‘regression?’”

“What’s ‘regressive’ about it?

“Nothing at all. That’s the point!”

 …