Larry was clearly angry. Carl had used his tools (again) without asking, and even worse, hadn’t returned them (again). Larry told me he had given Carl some “tough feedback.”

He told Carl that he was self-centered and insensitive, and in the future he needed to ask for permission before borrowing anything. He was surprised and indignant that Carl got angry with him.

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Larry didn’t understand that telling Carl off is not “giving feedback.” It’s simply criticism. Setting boundaries around what Carl can borrow is a reasonable thing to do, but that’s not “feedback” either.

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