When setbacks happen, vulnerability often follows. Feeling unprotected and exposed, we don’t want people to know what we’re facing, whether it’s a professional upset such as the loss of a job, loss of a great sales account, or being passed over for promotion, or something more personal. The more upsetting the circumstances, the more we may fear what other people think and say about us. Not only are we concerned about the opinions of our friends and work associates, we can become preoccupied with what “they”—the people beyond our scope of influence—think.

For people who tend to be more relationship-oriented by nature, the effects of setbacks may be even more difficult to deal with. Suddenly, despite your accomplishments and professional standing, everyone’s opinion matters. We become so preoccupied by other people that we invest too much precious time and energy trying to manage opinions and perceptions, and not focusing on how we can effectively deal with the problem at hand.

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