We all have enemies. Some of us have many. But when we spend our time and energy focused on attacking them and counterattacking their inevitable strikes, we’re the ones losing. 

In getting us to attack, our enemy has taken us away from productive pursuits. They’ve hung a dark cloud over our days. They’ve drained us of energy that would be better used elsewhere. They’ve also made us appear hotheaded and little in the whole process. Even if we win the fight, we lose—on multiple fronts.

There’s a better way to approach this.

Step outside the conflict

We get sucked into the conflict with that co-worker or boss. Attack brings counterattack. The spiral begins. But I’ll bet you nine times out of 10 if you step away from the conflict for a few moments/hours/days, you’ll see how small and petty the issue is. Without regaining this perspective, you’re doomed to get bloodied and bruised in a battle that’s not worth fighting. On top of that, you might miss an easy solution to the problem because you’re too busy throwing punches.

Be the bigger person

Your enemy is going to take shots at you no matter what. The defining moment comes not when the shot lands but in how you react to it. You either get just as childish or mean and counterattack—or you try to take the high road. You ignore the insult. You laugh off the verbal slight. You kill them with kindness. Those around you will take note of how each of the combatants are “showing up.” If you’re being nothing but professional, it’s hard for you to look bad.

Channel your energy productively

Now that you’re not enmeshed in the deep battle and daily fray, you probably have some time on your hands as well as some additional energy. Direct that time and energy into productive pursuits. Get your work done early and take some time off. Launch that lower-priority project you’ve been dying to dig into. Spend some time coaching and mentoring your team. Go work out or read a book. By investing that newly found energy in productive activities, you’re bettering yourself (and likely driving your enemy crazy that they’re not getting to you).

Extend the olive branch

The best way to be the bigger person is to seek to set differences aside and create a positive environment. If your enemy is all fired up about continuing the conflict, they’re not going to be the one to reach out to end hostilities. That leaves the task to you. Take them out to lunch. Buy them a beer (unless they’re an angry drunk, in which case get them a cream soda). Tell them you’d like to work with them more productively and end the conflict. Ask what you can do to change the way you show up, and listen when they tell you what’s wrong. Make a note of any changes you’d like to make and begin making them the next day. Also feel free to ask for a few changes on their part as well—but if you ask for too many changes, they’ll take it as an attack. Then it’s on like Donkey Kong again.

The hope is we can all take this approach to managing conflict and dealing with enemies. Because in the end, we all want the same things: for everyone to be happy and productive.

Published Jan. 22, 2025, in The thoughtLEADERS Brief on LinkedIn.