New Year’s Resolutions for Everyone Except Me

I’m perfect, so there’s no need to change

Mon, 01/03/2011 - 05:00

As a retired citizen, I no longer have to make any New Year’s resolutions because changes to my lifestyle at this juncture could be injurious to my health, well-being, and mental acuity. So I’ve decided to make them for others in our society. I know you will understand; if not, just chalk it up to my increasing senility.

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For 2011 here is what I resolve:

That all wait staff in restaurants pay attention to me while taking my order and quit looking around to view other activities that may be going on in the restaurant. If I am not the center of attention, then perhaps my waiter should extract the tip for my meal from the people he is so attracted to. Is it too much to ask that the wait staff at least appear to be focused and interested in providing me with exceptional customer service?

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Comments

Bill,
It's always a delight when I read your articles. No matter what kind of day I'm having, there is always a bt of humor that I can look forward to when reading something that you write. Therfore, my New Year's resolution for Bill is that you continue to write these articles.
Jim Beckham

Submitted by Clint Mann on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 10:54

Hi Bill,
Last time I commented, I mentioned that we're all clean in Oregon because the rain keeps washing us off. Well, the rain hasn't stopped but only 15 days since the first of November! Therefore, I resolve that 2011 should be the year of massive drought and total sunshine for the state of Oregon. Otherwise, I will continue to wrinkle up from all this moisture and look like I should be retired (even though I'm nearly 20 years away from that!) Here's hoping....

Yours Soggily,
Clint

I work in a hospital and oversee the Infection Control department. Could you please send or post in your next aritcle how to turn on the hot water in eating establishments. I, too, am appalled that in 20 degree weather, the expectation is some 20 year old who is not interested in me as a customer, will see the benefit of shivering in from of a sink, just for the sake of keeping me germ free. My plumbing skills are weak and I am in need of your expertise.

Thank you for making my day...

Submitted by dkhays on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 12:45

I, too have been disappointed in not winning any of the survey's promised riches, however there is one that provides near instant gratification--IHOP. When you fill out their survey, you get a code good for four free pancakes. This is of course, to bring you back to spend more of your hard earned money at their place.
The same principle goes for Home Depot and their surveys, no instant gratification there either.

Submitted by Tami Freed on Wed, 01/26/2011 - 07:54

What a great idea!  No resolutions for me but plenty for others!  As usual I thoroughly enjoyed your article.  I totally agree on the cold water.  Of course you are assuming the waitstaff WASHES their hands.  Went to a restaurant once and watched as a waitress came out of her toilet stall and went right to the door.  "Aren't you going to wash your hands?!" I asked and was told - we have hand sanitizer in the kitchen.  Hmmm.... sure hope she used it!!  Thanks for your humor and I hope your year is filled with laughter and blessings.

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